something something...!!!!!!!

I paused for a while when while surfing I read about blogfest.

I hesitated.

I have always loved writing but things like becoming a part of blogfest has never crossed my mind.
Never used to think of publishing a blog..
Perhaps that is why I am still way below the line from being known as a blogger.
And I thought it's always very very common to be fairly unpopular as a blogger since my topic of writing is not so much of those HOT STUFF like travel, food, cultural or parenting.

Just the other day I was talking to a friend about commercial blogging and I mentioned never thought of blogging with a business perspective.
Used to think why to publish..? Write for satisfaction of the creative part of my soul.


But then myriad thoughts started crossing my mind. What is the use of beauty without admirers? Why to write if you have no readers.
The personal journal I maintain can always be my source of outlet.

True, blogging today has a life of its own. And possibly this was the reason why I named my blog "My Virtual Space"...!!!!!!


Was a little late for Blogfest. Not sure even if I would have known about it, would have been able to go.

But yes, would have liked to be a part of it..!!!

I should make my work public, at least to a bigger group of potential readers.
After all it is the passion in writing that has helped me through the times where I felt lost and realized lessons.

down the memory lane...!!!!

I have listened to the whole audio on clearing clutter, but realised that I will need to go back to some parts to further release the blocks to clearing out clutter. Interesting how much emphasis is put on the emotional reasons for clutter. Makes sense too. There are only a limited number of things that one can do to deal with an item: file it away, attend to it, throw it away. But if we have emotional baggage around it, then it will seem like a big deal and we won't get to it. emotional baggague huh..!! attributes to a lot of things. results in many of our actions... homo sapiens is a species driven by desires and emotions play a huge role in driving instincts.

After thinking about emotional baggage and all this stuff I found myself clearing home. Probably was trying to find an outlet to vent out my energy. and admittedly was trying to figure out items which i do not require and was thinking of disposing them. but no..!! found myself going down the memory lane.. was able to relate to most of the things which i do not require but from which i was still not ready to part. An old card from my best friend, a page of a journal i used to write wen i was a kid, the wrapper of a chocolate a special friend gifted, a postcard of taj mahal which i my friend gifted wen i was leaving school.. multiple things..!! memories are associated with all of them and I realised, in my busy life, those small things act as lifelines and help me remember that I am human..!!

PS: whenever I think of the word stuff... I remember a dialogue from the movie The Devil Wears Prada. A dialogue which the character Miranda Priestly delivers with pure passion and precision. Since I have seen the movie can never think of  the word stuff without thinking of the movie and vice versa...

time.....

So, obviously i haven't posted in a really long time.

Some might think that the reason is may be i got lucky and got married to someone with whom i can spend the rest of my life, things are finally on the upswing and I'm happy..

Sadly, that is not the case at all.. Its was more depressing and uninteresting than that. Nothing has really changed at all and that isnt making me feel any better.


Have been quite busy with work and all. The only reason i am posting is because i have realised the importance of unleashing your thoughts.
and majorly..  Man!! I have missed this place...

have always been a journal girl. Like documentation through and through.
Like penning things so that when I go down the memory lane, i can relive those moments in great detail.

As a young girl, i could never figure out why freckles are bad or ugly. Or why some people had them and some didnt. Why some things were more hideous than others..

have come a long way since then..
have realised myriad things... the importance of good frens, the soothing calm which music provides... the multiple tips and toes which life teaches.. topsy turvy paths of lyf... the feel of ice sliding on ur face wen u are being scorched in a dessert...

hmm... some whr down the lane i realised.. work would alwaz be there but u need to find small moments to do what you enjoy most so that you dont end up being a machine..

happy realisation!!

Yet another cinema.....

Many a times i have been told one should not be a cinemato-freak like me.. as far as i am concerned i can watch any and every type of movie at any time of the day.. i don't exactly mind going for a movie show at eight o' clock in the morning. In a similar fashion i love late night movie shows.. And why not? Living in the fast paced lives the way we do, there are only a few things outside the circle of work for which we do get some time.. so when we go out for a movie.. its basically for sheer enjoyment. probably this is the reason why the farther the movie is from reality, the greater are the chances of the crowd enjoying it... i, myself, am a connoisseur of good serious movies.. but that does not mean i dont enjoy the far from reality flicks... take inception.. the latest flick by Christopher Nolan.. Lot of rules make way for a lot of loopholes. And moviemakers use these loopholes to cheat and let audiences fill in the leaps of logics. The latest Christopher Nolan flick plays fair. It will twist your mind, take you through highs and lows of logic but it is not a film based on twists. It will stimulate you to think where to draw a line between real and the not so real.. there is a lot to take in but the imaginative and thoughtful delivery of exposition keeps the viewer riveted despite the amount of information required in order to understand the premise, setting, and plot. And best part is, it’s not a confusing movie if you provide your full attention to it.


It includes probably one of the best fight sequences ever picturised. Take a moment to consider that: in the entire history of cinema, of every fight scene that has ever taken place, the one in this movie is among the best.  Watching a fight without gravity is incredible.  It’s not like in The Matrix where a character can defy gravity if they choose.  The fight scene in Inception has no gravity to defy and Arthur (played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt), the team’s point man, has to figure out how to achieve his objective while fending off projections.  I can only hope that someday in the distant future, when people with free time are on a space station in zero-gravity, they will re-enact this scene.  In the meantime, Nolan’s spectacular visual effects will have to suffice. While the sequences in Matrix look unrealistic, the ones shown here seem to be so real..  other action scenes are spectacular.
Visually lush and imaginative, Nolan transforms car chases into countdowns, fistfights into puzzles, and shootouts into…well, shootouts.  There’s a mission on a snowy mountainside that doesn’t work as well as the other set pieces because there’s a poor sense of location, a lack of visual diversity, and sloppy editing.  But that doesn’t really halt or hurt the film because Nolan brilliantly placed the car chase, the fistfight, and the shootout on top of each other.  You would think this would cause action fatigue, but by cutting between three set pieces and having what happens in one set piece affect the others, the action climax of Inception isn’t exhausting—it’s exhilarating.
With Inception, every character not only has a particular skill and task, but has a personality that mirrors their job description. With exception of Cobb( enacted by Leo de Caprio), we learn about the characters  by how they interact with each other and not with a monologue of past.
 The small moments between Arthur and Eames, “The Forger” (Tom Hardy) indicate years of working on j tolerating each other on jobs but with no animosity between the two.  Neophyte “Architect” Ariadne (Ellen Page) is a total jerk towards Cobb, but she’s the only one who’s willing to cut through his bullshit.  Cobb’s relationship with his wife Mal (Marion Cotillard) is the heart of Inception.  The interactions among the supporting characters are standard for a well-made action movie, but the relationship between Cobb and Mal is yet another reason why Inception stands apart. No wonder i enjoyed the movie... No wonder the concept of dreams in dreams appealed me,... 


come to think of it, many people actually live the life of lies or dreams. for them those are not really lies.. they are fabrications of their imaginations and they become so self engrossed that they start accepting the lies as truths and the actual truth disappears in the web of lies...

Rajneeti...!!

Much has been said about Raajneeti and how it is comparable to the Mahabharata and the Godfather; the performances, the dialogues and the screenplay have all been critically reviewed. But what stayed with me was how Ranbir's character Samar Pratap Singh, the reluctant politician, actually becomes the kingmaker.
I can't but think of the parallels with the Gandhi family, first Rajiv Gandhi and then more specifically Sonia Gandhi, who stayed away from the limelight for years. I have asked myself many a time, what finally made Sonia Gandhi take the plunge into mainstream politics?


For years, the Italian wife remained in the shadows of Rajiv Gandhi, a commercial pilot by profession, who reluctantly joined politics after younger brother Sanjay Gandhi's death and was propelled into the forefront after Indira Gandhi's assassination.


After Rajiv Gandhi's assassination in 1991, Sonia's decision to stay away from politics in an attempt to protect her children Rahul and Priyanka was understandable. Honestly, Sonia, the Italian widow didn't quite seem to fit the image of a politician ready to take on the reigns of the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty.
What came as a shocker for most of us was her decision to assume the controls of the Congress party in 1998. Sonia was constantly criticized by the opposition for being Italian-born, of speaking Hindi with a foreign accent and having nothing but the Gandhi name going for her. And yet, she steered the Congress-led UPA to a thumping victory in the 2004 Lok Sabha elections.


For a moment, it seemed that Sonia too had been seduced by the lure of power to move out of the shadow and step onto the political front. And yet again, despite being unanimously voted to lead the government, she unexpectedly declined the post of Prime Minister. On the eve of the inauguration, amidst intense insistence and persuasion, she said, "I request you to accept my decision and to recognize that I will not reverse it…. It is my inner voice, my conscience."
Honestly when she decided to move in to politics, I along with many Indians presumed that she finally made a run for the Power…!


What then was the motivation for someone like Sonia Gandhi, who by default had become intrinsically linked to politics, to take on such a daunting task of leading a party that was on such shaky ground?
In a country where everything is politicized, whether it is the Naxal attack or the Bhopal tragedy verdict, I wonder where she fits in. Ranbir in one of the final scenes in Raajneeti says that he always wanted to stay away from politics because it brought out the worst in someone, making them manipulative and scheming. Ranbir, the shrewd Arjun in Raajneeti, plots and plans till he avenges his father's death. In the great Mahabharata of Indian politics, which character is Sonia Gandhi?

party moments.....

in a room filled with laughter and chatter
being unable to hear anything
looking for some semblance of reality
when everythings seems to be so unreal
fooling around
wondering how much is illusion

zapping and zooming around the surface
wishing to dig for treasures forbidden
desire to rage out of illusion
hoping for bits and pieces of reality

what has happened to us all
to cause us to float about
to flit in and out of each other's lives
to chatter but no longer touch the depths
greater emphasis on worldly self
than caring for soul

seems fun on surface
but isn't it all empty
lonely in a crowd
I miss the easy and simple life
now its just a crowd
I don’t do crowds well…

answer moment

we keep searching for answers
which cannot be given now..
we should not...
because we are not yet able to live them..

live the questions now
perhaps some day in the future

we will gradually
without even noticing it

live our way into the answer..


funny.. the way our super inquisitive minds work..
we may not be able to see into the future..
but we keep trying to do that
and meanwhile keep messing with the present,..

life is wierd...!!!!

Life is a parody,
at least most of the times.
We get what we never care for,
and not what we expect..
Love the picture perfect..
when we know its impossible
and we miss the real amidst it all..
We see only what we want to..
and ignore what we already have
and then out of blues,
one one eventful night,
we regret doing it all..
and then we say..
life is one complex entity...
where we wait all eternity...
for those special moments
which are rare as treasure...

monologue

There is a wanderer inside all of us, searching for that elusive something. We give it names like love, money, fame, lust, dreams, goals..but try as you may, it is difficult to express that one word. Even the most focussed and determined soul will find it difficult to do so. The problem is most of us, including yours truly do not know what we really want and a bulk of our lives go in searching for that elusive Godot. Those who do not participate in this search, content themselves by just existing,but some of us manage to live a bit of our lives this way. Sometimes even before we know it, time whizzes past like water draining through our fingers, leaving us limp and lost.

Many years ago, when I first set foot in Pune , I thought I got what I wanted. I also presumed that I knew what I wanted. A successful career, a sense of independence and an escape from cloistered life is all that I looked for then. Armed with a happy go lucky attitude, an inquisitive mind for a new challenge, a desire to seek a new experience , I landed in Pune, nervous and excited at the same time.
And around me was a collage of several minds all looking towards a new unchartered destiny. But one thing that separated me from my classmates was that I didnt share their fierce competitiveness . Their cut throatness shook me, their overpowering confidence unnerved me as I waited for my chance for a group discussion. I was confident in my own way and unlike my aggressive classmates, I let my assertiveness speak for myself. I wasnt the dark horse, but many told me later that I was like a chameleon, which could change colours..may be that instinct stood by me in later years.

Today I shut my eyes and the group discussions and lectures in the wide classroom came to my mind. We were a medley of people from different states and were as parochial as we could get. Yet no one could fit into the description called demure. We have come a long way since then. All are settled in lives of their own.

But it was also the first time that a naive girl learnt and experienced a new word in the English language - a word that most of today's 21 year olds wear on their sleeve, a word that I grasped while standing in the verandah of my yet to be classroom , a word that I will hear again and again throughout my career and a word that changed connotations many times - ATTITUDE. If Bihar shaped it vaguely , Pune fine tuned it for me .And in my quest , this attitude gave me company, letting me live my life, while changing gears, while taking major decisions, while hitting my lowest lows, and while reaching the high points..This has been one constant companion, no matter which shore Ive landed in . But today, I seem to have left it somewhere by the wayside and my quest has now multiplied two fold..oh !

Women Reservation : how effective will it be?

One cheer for Women Reservation Bill. Not two and surely not three. Of all the reservations we have devised till date to transform the society, this one will transform the least. Nevertheless, it may do some marginal good, so lets not make a total enemy of it.
Rotating constituencies would mean women cannot nurse a constituency. Reservations do not apply to Rajya Sabha creating a parliamentary anomaly. Reservations could mean more upper caste women MPs at expense of backward women. Everything apart, the basic flaw lies elsewhere.

Women suffer from thousands of forms of discrimination at most basic levels. Safety is still a major concern at most of the places. India has highest rates of female anemia and maternal mortality. And the chauvinistic attitude needs to be changed. Even with all talk of modernization, till this date women face a lot of prejudices. Surely Chanda Kochar, Akhila Srinivasan, Ekta Kapoor have done well. Surely, women have brought fame and pride to the nation. But still the fact remains that salary of highest paid women in the world is one third the salary of highest paid male individual. How does that justify the talks of equality?
Million dollar question is will all these factors change with more women in the parliament? Who would guarantee that seven daughters of a certain politician will all not end up being members of lok sabha?
Who would be responsible for equality in most basic terms. We already have multitude of laws for gender equality? And what has happened to those? We already have had dalit reservations for 60 years. What has been the progress? Has anything at all changed?
The need is to implement all this at grassroot levels. And this is the root cause. When we think of implementing a change, we try to implement it directly at the highest level of hierarchy. It would have been a lot better if a bottom up approach would have been taken. We need administrators, polices, judges who will implement laws on social justice. And most of all we need awareness and dedication to really implement the change. Before that happens, the bill would not be successful in its venture.

An age old tussle

She is back to square one. Same age old question.. what does a girl who is going to get married think? How many myriad thoughts cross her mind? She is terrified like hell. She sees her friends who are already married and things scare the hell out of her. She thinks how she is going to manage everything. How would she adjust in someone else’s system?? How she would let some one else become whole and sole of her life. She knows she is a person for whom there would be no turning back. This would be final. The ultimate commitment. She would almost worship the person she marries. And giving that power to someone scares her. Would he care for her the way she would for him??

And amidst all, she is waiting for a leaf to turn. She is waiting for the new chapter of her life. She might have made many mistakes. But just this once she wants it to be perfect. doesen't matter if every thing else becomes ruined. Just this should be picture perfect. She dreams and then she fears how different would be her dreams from hard core reality? She tries to paint a rosy picture and she wonders if it would be like this or would it be something she would not be able to live with? And then she says, whoa! nothing ever is picture perfect and she is expecting way to much. But then is it really too much to ask for a happy married life?
And here comes anticipation. Time would tell..

Abstract Something....

Working hardly or hardly working..?? That is the question. A twist of words can give an entirely new meaning. Sometimes we actually are very busy and at others we act to be busy. But then would I be happy sitting idle?? I think not. How can one be content to remain silly and good for nothing...?? Now that I am back to corporate, I remind myself that this is quarter and year end. So need to be working hard to complete my targets :)

And keep myself busy in these targets. Trying to gather bits and pieces of lyf and carving a niche for myself. Lets c wt lyf has in store for me this time.

And amidst all these, I am pursuing my one fav passtime - reading. I read something or other even wen i am traveling by bus and going to office. Its a Robert Ludlum these days. Would be something else tomorrow. When I was a kid I used to get scolded for reading books other than course material. And I enjoyed reading anything and everything excluding course books. Now I am content that I can to read to my satisfaction and nobody would scold me.

After all I am on my way to accomplish all my dreams.
Dont know I should be proud of my achievements or should worry abt how my lyf has turned out to be. Have an engineering and a MBA degree to my name. I am a proud owner of a file of certificates.. Sounds good if I see it that way. To add icing to cake, I am working. Will be getting married soon. What more could I want from lyf? Still there is a void wch needs to be filled. Seems thr is a lot of work to do. Covet the FRM title. Need to get started on that.

Waiting to c where i go with these ideas and inspirations....

thoughts

I feel so happy, whenever you are near,
I can't help but smile, when it's your voice I hear.
My mind goes on a spin, whenever you walk by,
Why do I keep on falling? Why are you always that guy?

What happened with us, will you ever forget?
Can't we at least be friends, and live with our regrets?
I can't handle the silence, I want it to end.
Do you ever think, we could just be friends?

How can I get over you, when you never give me the chance?
How can I forget you, when you always give me a second glance.
I'm struggling with everything, I don't know what to do,
I'm finding it rather hard to understand, why I'm falling for you.

My heart beats uncontrollably, whenever you walk by,
I can't seem to think, especially when you say Hi...
My thoughts are always about you, before i fall to sleep...
Sometimes I start to wonder, what's making me fall so deep?

mundane and the not so mundane

as i think of what to say
thoughts roam here and there
should i just speak of mundane things
a net connection wch is slow,
a journey that i took yesterday
or shall i talk abt past times
times wch were gud and
wch remind us of foolish mistakes
and the not so folish dreams
so that secure in its distance the conversation flows
i dont want the time to slip away
i dnt wanna lose the moments precious

not titled....

Watch my heart die
as you so perfectly crush it with your words
as you have so many times before.
A heart that was once so full of innocence
and which has now turned to a sheet of ice clear as crystal.
I can hear symphony around me
and yet joys of life have ceased to exist for me.
I feel nothing. No harmony or joy,
no peace nor any kinder emotions
Would you be happier if I were dead?
Would you be happier if I were to disappear?
I think these questions to myself often
and then realize I am already dead ..!

tea talk

i prefer tea to coffee
am a connoisser of tea talks
My copper kettle whistles merrily
and signals that it is time for tea
come hav an afternoon tea
i'll think of you and you think of me

words...

You have hope,
and the world before you,
and have no cause for despair.
But I—I have lost everything
and cannot begin life anew..

Life without compassion
is not what I look for..
it would end some day.
and love does never end..
love deepens,grows and matures
or it sours, grows bitter and cynical..
and parodies itself in hopelesness..

elections

Come October 13 and the shops, malls, multiplexes, commercial establishments, restaurants etc would see an unprecedented closure. Thanks to Maharashtra Govt and its ridiculous notion that if the citizens have nothing else to do, they would line up to vote. What a way to combat voter apathy? They would not pay attention on improving the basic amenities and they worry about their vote banks. When it comes to elections, Mumbai has a pathetic voting rate. The 2009 Lok Sabha elections saw merely 41.24% voters. Less than 50% voters decided the outcome of the elections. And the condition of rest of the cities is not that great. Our politicians do not look into the real cause for this mismatch. They rather prefer to raise irrelevant issues. They try to ban public gatherings. But is this a solution or is it a sign of frustration? I don’t get inspired to vote when I see the likes of Sonia Gandhi campaigning against those like Shashi Tharoor over an issue of what not to twitter. Madam, could you have been more creative?? They could have used this time and energy for something more useful and more productive. And anyways this way to lure voters is not the correct way in my opinion. People like me were almost devastated when the shopping malls etc were closed down for a long duration during the swine flu outbreak. And has Maharashtra not seen enough of closures of malls and theatres?? Or is it going to go the Bengal way where bandhs are a common phenomenon….?? Anyways, even if it is a holiday, most people like me would not vote to these parties with no sense of moral ethics. Thanks anyways Maharashtra Govt! We would rather sit at home and relish the fact that we don’t have to go to work
PS: a friend told me that I have not written any new article since many days… and I saw the news of another holiday. I stared making plans of a movie an some shopping and got the news that even those favorite places would be closed.. and hence this article… 

panipuri ke liye kuch bhi karega...

i had this experience today wch made me realise hw we tone up or down our actions for our choice and preferences. while returning i saw this fuchka wala and i wanted to eat typical bihari fuchka.. one with potatoes and imli.. normally in maharashtra u only get the kind wch is bittersweet and contains a mix of chat. and this stall had my kind of panipuri.. wow..!! i was so happy!!

the glitch was that this cute panipuri had green chilli mixed in it and this is normally a complete no no for me. to the point that my mom used to say, "u hav a sensor or wot? to test if i hav added chillis in food or not.. " even to this day, wen i am cooking, i prefer to prepare food sans chillis..

but i was so tempted that it did not matter.. and i had my fill of panipuris.. and i cud nt resist the temptation of tasting panipuris....

but then on the up side i stuck a deal with the fuchkawala to prepare puris without chilli for me from next time onwards... now that is called making most of the situation.. :)

who will flex the cat?

wen i saw my offer letter there were so many components, some i need and some i dont think i would easily avail. for instance what is the meaning of having a component allocated to loan installments if you dont take a loan. after all its not everyday you agree to take a loan. being a finance graduate i wud try look into other methods of availing credit if and when needed before leaping forward to taking a loan especially in these turbulent times. and if i dont want a health insurance and would have liked that particular amount in buying a new laptop or a pair of expensive sunglasses?? i kept wondering if it is always like this. a search on my fav search engine showed me that my counterparts in developed countries have other arrangements. the companies there have a wide menu that they may include for reimbursement for an expensive gadget or road toll paid for daily commutation. whoa!! much better than a host of reimbursements which i dont need.. rite?? it wud be better if i get to chose a menu of fringe benefits every year rather than availing those which i dont need or care for. this "flex or flexible benefits" system is all set to enter Indian corporate lexicon. however indian companies are approaching this with some trepidation. it has become a question of who is going to accept it first. but there is no doubt that once this is implemented, it will be a win-win situation for both companies as well as employees..

...!!

sweethearts and squabbles are like flowers and rain
takes both to make it springtime..
misunderstanding abt calenders is common
mine has four seasons
his only has today, tommorrow and next week
my! oh my! is it everytime going to be like this?
or will it work out just fine in time
will 'just fine' be enough for me?
what if i want to be perfect?
y does one hav to be stubborn as a missourie mule
and can tears forever flow???

not titled....

Wen i got my hard disk, i transferred almost all my files from my CD/DVDs, computer and laptop there. having a 320 gb harddisk provides ample space. but searching for a minuscle file there was a nightmare. While I was looking through the old files, I came across all sorts of stuff like photos and chat transcripts from my yester years... The kind of things that bring back a rush of memories, mostly with friends (and crushes!) who I hardly see anymore.... Makes me wonder how much we have shifted from storing memories in the form of sentimental letters and photographs kept in old shoe boxes under the bed, to having them stored in a digitized format....

Sure, we still like to keep "real" items for the look and feel, but that doesn't mean that we don't laugh and cringe just as much when we look at the digital files. things hav changed specially over past ten years and we hav become much more tech-savvy... and it all depends upon ur usage pattern.. same thing when used in a particular way may be either informative or a time killer for you.. for instance.. the social networking sites.. u can use them for idle pitter patter or u can find wealth of infotainement in those community forums..

it has changed the way we communicate, we think and the way we visit the memory lane... Perhaps in the future, when our grandchildren learn about us, instead of discovering a stack of vintage letters and diaries, they'll discover a folder of saved emails and blog entries...

a tale.......

Lovers and madmen have such seething brains,
Such shaping fantasies, that apprehend
More than cool reason ever comprehends....

i tell a tale of a person here...
mingled yarn is his web of life
good and ill together...

infant in law,
and urchin in years,
In mind a slave to every vicious joy,
From every sense of shame and virtue wean'd,
adept in lies and fiend in deceit;
Versed in hypocrisy, while yet a child,
Fickle as wind, of intentions wild;
Woman his dupe, his ignorant friends a tool,
Old in the world, though scarcely broke from school...


He, who grown aged in this world of woe,
In deeds, not years, piercing the depths of life,
So that no wonder waits him;
nor below can love, or sorrow, fame, ambition, strife,
Cut to his heart again with the keen knife of silent, sharp endurance:
he can tell--
Why thought seeks refuge in lone caves,
yet rife With airy images, and shapes which dwell

His love was passion's essence—as a tree
On fire by lightning; with ethereal flame
Kindled he was, and blasted; for to be
Thus, and enamored, were in him the same
For he through Sin's long labyrinth had run,
Nor made atonement when he did amiss,
Had sigh'd to many though he lov'd but one,
And that lov'd one, alas! could never be his.

Nor was all love shut from hint, though his days
of passion had consumed themselves to dust
In flight he shall be surely wise,
escaping from temptation's snare
he cannot view my Paradise
Without the wish of dwelling there.

though pleasure fires the maddening souls
the heart--
the heart is lonely still...

yet there are things whose strong reality
outshines our fairy land;
in shape and hues
more beautiful than our fantastic sky.
A thousand hearts beat happily;

and when
Music arose with its voluptuous swell,
Soft eyes look 'd love to eyes which spake again,
And all went merry as a marriage bell.
 

a dream that was......

I dreamt that I dwelt in marble halls,
With leisures and luxaries at my side,
And of all who assembled within those walls,
That I was the hope and the pride,
I had riches too great to count,
could boast of qualities great;

But I also dreamt,
which pleas’d me most,
That you lov’d me still the same,
Your soul is my only treasure,
my greatest joy;

The world is now at your fingertips,
give me the world and i will stay..........

A symphony of restless thoughts
A cacophony of raging demands
Thoughts of mind over matter
All of these ensure sleepless nights

And here i am
Thinking about thoughts disturbing
Trying to carve a niche for myself
Where no one thought disturbs me

Thinking about that face in the crowd
Which takes away the peace of my mind..
Waiting to confront the inevitable
And fulfil my destiny..

long wait..........

silently
i visit my thoughts
i stand as an outsider
and try to figure out
who am i?
whr hav i been??
wt kind of person hav i become??

once bitten twice shy
am wary of new changes in life
am tired of waiting for the unknown..
i try to listen to the faded sounds
lost in the mazes of time
waiting for silent footsteps
some beats of heart
some sounds worth
i wait with jaded thoughts
for the change in pattern of thoughts

life has been a roller coster ride
and now i wait for that shimmer of hope
for a knight in shining armour
seems like just yesterday
when i dreamt of chocolates and angels
in my own fairyland

and now my dreams are more vivid
my imagination more indulgent
my thoughts more elegant
and i keep waiting
forever and ever
day and night
morning and noon
i give back life to my own thoughts
for music coming from the core of my heart
waiting for the tempest....

lost something....

The sun in my window, it's coming up
and i welcome the winter cold
a ray of light reminds me
of a lifetime spent wid u
i'm imitating steps with my fingertips
mapping your thoughts to memories of past
of our favorite places
of our uninhibited thoughts
and cherished dreams...
the dreamland where i used to feel safe...
looking at you, spending time wid u...
there's nothing in this world i did rather do...
i dont want us to drift apart in two speparate lives
not knowing if we will get a second chance
and here i stand today..
my heart has left the dwelling place
where i can return no more...

pdf viewer AT LAST!!!!!!

reading books in pdf format was always a cumbersome task (especially if it was not a novel!!! who wants to study???) i always used to find reading books in .lit format easy on eyes.

and there was the loophole. most books u search for are available in pdf format especially if they are study materials or reference books... for days i searched for a good pdf to lit converter.. generally i am good at searching stuff i require on the ineternet. however all i came across was "abc amber pdf to lit converter" and my take on it is that the software sucks.. it doesnt even care for good image conversions. and there are bound to be lots of diagrams if i try to convert a course book.. rite?? also, if i tried to convert a doc with large number of pages, the software used to crash.. and oh.. some of the books i need are 50 mb books... i guess that was 'cos the software does not have proven compatibility with win vista....

and then yesterday i tumbled upon "stduviewer" when i was try to search a "deja vu reader".. ( i wonder y they named a file type as deja vu???) neways.. that definetely has made pdf reading easier for me.. at that time i was thinking i finally found my holy grail for pdf viewing.. now i can read all those books which i have accumulated over so many months.. deja vu huh???

hacking or stealth?? exploiting web vulnerabilities....

Internet security has always been a favourite of mine.

One question most commonly asked by the wannabe-hackers is “how can i hack into an email account”. Most of them have visions of doing it matrix style and think hacking is cool stuff and u can be a hacker easily. What they don’t realise is the fact that u need to be a damn good programmer if u want to know the hacking basics. U need to be proficient in c, c++, perl, dos, networking and a number of other technologies. U need to know abt the web vulnerabilitites and u need to learn how to exploit them.and u need a powerful computer and a strong server (may be even two or three) to execulte several orders. Even then it wud be difficult. You cant just hack in. U need to recon, find a backdoor, get info, get out and do all these without leaving an information trail. Hacking into google’s database, decoding the encryption which by the way is pretty strong, finding the particular username, decoding the strongly encrypted password, and getting out without noticed is quite a task. Stealing the password or luring someone into revealin it is more easy. How many time have u seen the mail telling “hack into any yahoo mail id” and the talk of a 4-5 sentence mail which u need to send to some id and bingo! U reveal ur password and compromise the security of ur account. When i was in teens i liked this idea about being powerful enough to know somebody’s password and get the account details. I got a book by the author “ankit fadia” and was introduced to the term “ethical hacking”. Here are a few stealth methodologies which are usually implemented:
Roughly below mentioned techniques are used to hack into any email account.
1. Shoulder Surfing:
Ever saw people taking a sneak peak at ur comp while u r typing ur password? Well.. hello welcome to the world of shoulder surfers. They sneak in to you and try to figure out ur passwords. If u r a newbie or ur typing speed is dreadfully slow u better practise typing atleast ur passwords with a fast speed. Another useful trick is to use a combination of alphanumeric characters.
2. Locally stored passwords
Most of us find it convenient to check the “remember me on this computer”. Some times while surfing on a shared comp we don’t even bother to check if the box is unchecked or not. Wen u click on the option to allow browsers to remember ur passwords, then an adversary having access to ur system can locate the registry key associated to the password which may be saved in either clear type or encrypted form.
3. Brute Forcing
Well this wont work in today’s scenarios as most applications are invulnerable to brute-force attack. But a couple of pages which may not be like the reset password form where after answering the secret question the application will show you the new reseted password (instead of mailing them to secondary account). A Suggestion is that always have a secondary account configured.
4. Sniffing
Sniffers are the tools that capture packets flowing on Ethernet wire and are freely available on net. An attacker can use this in combination with MitM (Man-in-the-middle) attack to capture the packets on LAN. As an end user I am not aware of any solution that can applied from my side to protect myself from MITM attack. A tip-off is that if you receive certificate alert for websites certified by well-known CAs(Certification Authority like Verisign etc.) then you may be under attack.
5. Keylogger/Trojans
Simplest way is gifting the victim with a game (a trojan) and make him plan it. While the user unaware of the malicious program running behind, has already fallen prey to it. All his key strokes can be logged and emailed to the attacker periodically. A suggestion is that daily update your antivirus and anti-spyware programs. Just updating is not enough. Do periodic scans. A local firewall like Zone-alarm will add on to your system security. And never accept files from unknown (or suspiciously known) users. Scramblers, anti keyloggers and keylogger detectors are useful tools against this attack. Most updated AVs can detect these key loggers. My suggestion would be to use an updated AV and a good spyware software.
6. Phishing
This is a very common form of attack. An attacker has to build up a clone login page of targeted site and entice victim to log into it. Once the victim enters his login credentials, it will be mailed to the attacker. From user point of view always check the URL in address bar before logging in. For web Developers, u can always use any anti-phishing technique like sign-in seal (Yahoo has implemented it). This can help end users to identify if the site is genuine of fake. This solution can’t be applied in case where the attacker has implemented phishing technique along with DNS Spoofing (Metasploit PoC)
7. Social Engineering
Wanna hack human brains? This is the option for u. This is the most effective technique of all. This exploits the human psyche and tendency to gain profit without investment. The only solution to it is end-user education. This can be as simple as directly asking “Please give me your password” till to an example describe here. This is a well-known example. Most of you might have seen the below mail or document saying that (for eg.) Yahoo has a vulnerability and anyone’s password can be obtained by following the below steps. Any time you see an E-Mail that says forward this on to '10' (or however many) of your friends, sign this petition, or you'll get bad luck, good luck, you'll see something funny on your screen after you send it, or whatever, it almost always has an E-Mail tracker program attached that tracks the cookies and E-Mails of those folks you forward to. The host sender is getting a copy each time it gets forwarded and then is able to get lists of 'active' E-Mail addresses to use in SPAM E-Mails, or sell to other spammers. Even when you get emails that demand you send the email on if you're not ashamed of God/Jesus..... that's E-mail tracking and they're playing on our conscience. These people don't care how they get your email addresses - just as long as they get them. Also, emails that talk about a missing child or a child with an incurable disease - "how would you feel if that was your child"....E-mail Tracking.... huh!!!
A typical example would be:
• Log in to your own yahoo account. Note: Your account must be at least 30 days old for this to work.
• Once you have logged into your own account, compose an e-mail to: hack_other_acc@yahoo.com (actually attacker’s email id)
This is a mailing address to the Yahoo Staff. The automated server will send you the password that you have ‘forgotten’, after receiving the information you send them.
• In the subject line type exactly: password retrieve.
• On the first line of your mail write the email address of the person you want to hacking.
• On the second line type in the e-mail address you are using.
• On the third line type in the password to YOUR email address (your OWN password). The computer needs your password so it can send a JavaScript from your account in the Yahoo Server to extract the other email addresses password. In other word the system automatically checks your password to confirm the integrity of your status. Remember you are sending your password to a machine not a man. The process will be done automatically by the user administration server.
In addition to above message, there are sometimes few more additional steps requested by the attacker in order to boil the victim down to send the attacker his account name and password.
Well remember that there is no such Yahoo or any account bot which can help you retrieve passwords of other’s account. There are even some others who claim that they have a tool to do. This tool actually asks you to login into your account first through that tool and once you try logging in (Boom they now have you password) it will throw some junk error like application crashes or so to avoid making victim suspicious of the act. There are lot more to this section that even a book can be written.
8. Web Vulnerabilities.
Well there are some insecure application codings which can be exploited to get the passwords/sessions of other users. These are but bit difficult to exploit or by the time you try exploiting, Yahoo or Gmail might have patched it. the vulnerabilities can be Xss, SQLi, CSRF or the recently hyped click-jacking and surfjacking. Heard about google sandbox?? Till recently this was a great tool used to hack into orkut accounts. However the bug has now been fixed and only developers get access to the sandbox tool.
There are lot more to the lists. There may be some that might not have been patched because they may not have been disclosed yet and can be categorized as private vulnerability (known to very few hackers).
9. Javascript and web tools:
Ever imagined that ur scrapbook on orkut is another tool for hackers? Javascript can be embedded into ur scrapbook and u will never even know that ur account is being tracked.

So the best rulebook says...”Be careful and Beware!!!”

my online journey......

Do we live a dual life today?? One real and one virtual? Most of us will have real and online identities.. blogging is an important part of our lives. What does best represent me online?? My email id?? My orkut or my space account? A website? My blog?

ten years back, internet was not a necessity. Today.. one who does not have an online presence is considered unsmart. Today people use the service to voice their thoughts, to solve their problems, and to create a network of frens and acquaintances.

If i talk about my online journey, i have been using one or more of these services since i was in my teens. More than ten years down the line i have become adept at using them and i think if today i am asked to delete my online presence, i would be very uncomfortable. Back then internet at my place used to cost me 100 bucks per hour. At first i did not even know what an address bar is.. and i was so proud i had my own email id—my own virtual address!! i remember an uncle at the cyber cafe used to open the websites for me.. Still i had dreams of hoisting a website of my own.. (ofcourse! On a free domain!) yahoo geocities was hep and happening. And i even created a few pages. Rediff iland was launched some time later and i was eager again to create my “online identity”.. Its a different issue that i have not visited those pages since a long time. But they are still a part of the net culture and very much available. And i used to marvel at my “journalist skills” ‘cos i actually used to get visitors and comments... And then came gmail... i found it a novel concept and wanted to be a part of the google network cos it had an invite feature.. and heck.. there were so few gmail users then.. ! !

i moved to more creative blog services like wordpress Oh.. not to mention the charm of having screen names like frozen.dessert, sundae and rythm_here!! I still use some of these “hep” screen names...!! variants of blogs today are “microblogs” and “tumblrs”. In micro blogging ppl blog with contents in less than 150 words ( 140 words is teh limit for twitter) and a tumblr has very short posts.. wen i created my tumble logging page i started with alot of my fav quotes. And people round the world “blippr” where they are able to post “micro reviews” for movies and services they have used. Not to mention the social book marking sites where u can organize ur fav bookmarks rather than using the old and monotonous “mark as fav” option of a browser....

of course u dnt update all these services regularly... and hw do u inform ur frens if u have updated a particular blog or ur home page? websites like soup.io and storytlr take care of these.. soup is a combo of tumblelog+lifestream and storytlr tells ur update history in form of a story... lifestream is a collection of ur fav pictures, videos, online status etc etc.. online status has become a fashion statement..

for that matter, i enjoyed using various explorers like IE, netscape, mozilla, opera, safari etc etc over the ten year span on my virtual life...

wen i needed data for statistical calculations, i referred to stock exchange websites, i subscribed to the likes of BNET and techedge for research papers and informative stuff.. my online journey has been with me like a teacher taking me to various realms.. its even helped me with some of the "not so interesting class assignments" with the "cut/copy-paste" functionality.. ofcourse later i had to correct this habit 'cos of the "plagiarism" checks..

our elders complain we commit so many grammatical mistakes wid our English and our vocab is nt that strong.. it can be attributed to our frequent and more general use of the slang language.. who cares to type “which” or “someone” if u can simply do away wid “wch” or “sm1”??? not me....huh!!

luv.....

may be yes may be no
may be rain may be snow
may be care may be love
may be faith may be trust
may be life may be death
emotions so strong
unfathomable feelings
whirlwind of thoughts
love is an emotion i feel for you
love is something i expect from you

complicated heart....

dont know if one dies of a heartbreak or not but the spirit of a person surely dies. a fiesty spirit can be turned into one dull boring person grieving in solitude.. and no!! before the reader of this piece gets any ideas into head, am nt talking abt personal experience particulary.. today relationships are fast losing grounds.. people often mistake love for lust and vice-versa... it is a general phenomenon.. ppl hav stopped caring for other souls. yet thr r some who perceive a lot more and thr value to their commitments is commendable. for them, heartbreak can lead to a dull cacophony. this cognitive dissonance destroys thr piece of mind and they are reduced to souls without a vibrant energy. we meet people. some we forget and some stay with us for a part of our lives... and a loss of a favourite company hurts us.. wen the days are dark and gloomy, in our blues we shut everyone out of our personal space. to fight the pain some of us dnt even allow anyone else inside the 1 cm diameter of our persona.. we provide solitary confinement of our own accord.. still dont we learn to grab every opportunity where we can find a little peace of mind?? why?? a person can get burned falling in love with someone who is only interested in the superficial pleasures and pleasantries the life has to offer.. and there are so many people out thr who are only interested in superficial things.. still we fall into the trap.. why?? i have learned to value the pleasant things n life.. pleasant things are civilised. they bring an element of grace and gentleness and peace into our lives. a desert after dinner, a soft drink on a hot afternoon, a late-nite walk on a beach, a fren u can trust with ur life, a person whose love is unshakable even if he knows that u hav been thru hell and back.. all these i guess make it worthwhile. we get hurt...still after a time we seek those things again.. we try to treasure memories and cherish moments.. we do all we can..!!

life....

sometimes u meet people and u knw instantly that they are meant to be a part and parcel of ur life.. they might b there to teach u a lesson.. to help u figure out who u want to be.. they might be thr in ur life to make things easier for u.. to unhide some lost corner of ur heart or ur persona. they affect ur life in a profound way.. sometimes things dont happen as u wud have liked thm to occur.. u get tormented... but in reflection u realise that without overcoming those obstacles u wud nvr hav realised ur true potential. it is true that life is the greatest teacher.. illness, love, lost moments of true greatness.... all these test the limit of ur soul and these stimulate ur thoughts.. these help u in understanding things better and give a whole new perspective to life... without these so called obstacles, life wud be a smooth paved, flat, dull and boring road where every outcome wud be according to our prediction. the people u meet affect ur life.. success and faliure shape up ur life and create who u r.. each unwanted event leaves a bitter taste in ur life but it is also makes u more robust and teaches u qualities like persistence and endurance.... life is important.. live ur life to the full and treasure each moment.. cherish the happy moments and learn from the not so happy ones..

a promise for future

no matter hw dark be the present
no matter hw great be the loss
no matter hw sordid be the story
thr is always a promise of life in full force...
u can feel it in the toddlers and urchins
u can breathe it in the fresh air of morning
it is there in life with a flow of light and dark...
empathizw with the dark
but look forward for a good life
make the most of the rest of ur life..........

me and solitude.........

Dawn often finds me,

grieving in solitude

for no one still lives,

with whom I dare share

the truth of my heart....

secrets and betrayals,

life is full of them

To find eternal joy,

is a pleasure rare..

why is it so hard to trust

why emotions are in a mist

wen i try to face my demons

why is it hard to find faith

i do wish i was a child again

free of any malice

and full of innocence

frenz....

Friendship isn''t always easily described. The Eskimos, they say, have a hundred different words for snow. Unfortunately, the English language isn''t quite as innovative, though it has vast opportunities to differentiate meaning. Certainly, Love is one of those opportunities. And so, too, is Friendship. Instead of different words, however, we''re stuck with simple adjectives. Close friend. Best friend. Childhood friend. Intimate friend. Trusted friend. Beloved friend. But whether you use adjectives or different words, few could deny the nearly infinite meaning in such a simple word. Friends are special people. We can''t pick our family, and we''re sorely limited in the number of them at any rate. Society and moral standards (and often our own conscience) dictate we select a single mate. But our friends can be as diverse and infinite as the adjectives we choose. Our friends, in a very real sense, reflect the choices we make in life...

the choice of 20's something.....

This is a time when the west has started appreciating and applauding the eastern music-thru zakir hussain and ar rehman. This is also a time wen India has chosen a westernised 60’s style track- emotional atyachar- as their new chart buster. Emotional atyachar does not belong to bhangra pop, hindi rock or any of the contemporary bollywood style. In itself.. it will promote the growth of a new genre- the desi rap. The 1% of the Indian population which hears to bc sutta and xl ki kudiyan cant seem to get enough of it..
while mainstream music has failed to capture their attention, this gap seems to be filled by this new genre which is still at its inception phase... these songs have pretty simple background music.. slangs flow thru the lyrics.. and subjects decidedly a taboo according to the normal Indian standards.. but still these are captivating the minds of the young population today. The 20’s something promote, enjoy and prefer this new genre which is fast gaining grounds..

my best friend.........

with u by my side
evrything in the world seems so better
good things are twice as much fun
cos wen i share them with u
i get to c u smile
i know that i have someone
who sees life a lot like a i do..
some one who shares the same values
the same dreams n the same hopes
i know that i have someone
who understands a part of me
that other people dont even know exists
with you in my life
i know that i have everything
any one could ever want
someone who's understanding and supportive
someone i care for and who happens to be my best friend....

College days at RIT

June ke mausam ki wo chupchap si baarish
thanda sa mausam aur na koi kaam
college mein bahut kam log
sham ko dosto ka mandir mein milna
raat ko hasi thahakon ka daur
chuttiyon mein couples ka jee bhar kar milna

shardanyas ki kabhi taiyaari
vurangula mein fun fair ka mazza
kabhi teachers ki politics
canteen ke saamne ki taunting
kuch logon ka panga lena
kuch ka chup chap rehna
principal ka kabhi chidhna
college ki wo choti choti baatein

garmi mein pure college mein
peele phulon ka khil jaana
subah savere ka mausam suhana
oral ka bhi tension seniors ka farewell
chori chupke aur fir sabse
nazar bacha kar logon ka milna
study room ki kabhi padhai
unke saath dikho to samjo shamat aayi

ek hi picture PL mein baar baar dekhna
bahut yaad aayeneg ye din
baahar zindagi jaane kaisi ho
jaane kaun sa rang dikhaye...

love..

wot is love?
a relation between two souls..??
a bond of trust.??
complete faith..??
true emotion..??
total understanding? a promise of hearts?
something between u and me?
something clear like crystal?
may be platonic?
a feeling of care?
meeting of boundaries?
reducing diameters..??
isnt ur love the apple of ur eyes?
the light of ur face?
the source of eternal happiness?
wot exactly is this chemistry?
how can u define this mechanics?
for that matter.. can it be defined?
an ocean of feelings...
it is something pure which needs to be treasured........

moments to treasure

beautiful moments that make u feel special
moments of appreciation
and those of admiration
moments wch u cherish in heart
moments which u care for
moments of complete trust
and those of total understanding
bonds of devotion
ultimate feel of innocence
optimistic approach to life
deterministic model of life
a sweet tenderness of each moment
a multitude of facets are there to life
live life as it comes...

25th nov 05

inspiration..

take care to get wot u like or u will be forced to like wot u get
One should hold on to Innocence. Renounced by will or taken by force, it cannot be restored.........
the trouble with the world is that stupid are cocksure and intelligent full of doubt..
it is with our passion.. as it is with fire and water.. they are good servants but bad masters.
consider how hard it is to change urself and u will understand wot little chance u have in changing others
cowards die many times before death but the valiant never taste death but once
wotever happens today.. just relax and manage to smile.. life is not a problem to be solved.. but a gift to be enjoyed.. make everyday ur best day
never fear the space between dreams and realty..
if u can dream it.. u can make it so..
never be idle...
if ur hands cant be employed successfully...
attend to the cultivation of ur mind

down the memory lane........

down the memory lane
so many moments spent with u
look at me with hope and anticipation
with keenness - with love
they are very precious
and so very beautiful
they look at me with a hope
that u will b with me
for ever and ever....
-20th march'06

uff...!! elections.....

Enuciation of Election starts with a President..
Loquacious voices of leaders always dissent...
Enthralling the gulliable folk with promises myriad...
Confetti poster and handbills have become a dread...
towering promises made to lure the users..
in their valiant fiery speeches...
obviously people vote for a wrong person...
naturally it leads to a corrupt administration.........

ELection time is here again... myriads of leaders all "prachar" thru a private helicopter.... God!! wt else are they gonna do?? wt new "incomplete" promises are we to see?? I guess Obama's campaign fever has caught up finally with Indians too... money is changing hands.. rather it would be better to say.. money is flowing... even in times of recession........... well! well! well! all of us responsible indian citizens should give our vote to the right man... but the dilema is.. who is the right man...??? prime candidates for our central govt are BJP and Congress.. Congress has a legacy of more than 50 years... and even today it is wooing voters in the name of Gandhi family.. with Rahul Gandhi leading the forefront... and BJP?? has long betted on Shri AB Vajpayee.. it is projecting Sri LK Advani.. once its leaders like shushma swaraj were on the forefront of the system... but today they have faded into oblivion as far as the national scene is concerned.. BJP gave the concept of India Shining.... and Congress has promised youth and properity for the nation... at the other end of the scale is the personal prejudice of a voter.. we are an emotional lot. some times we do tend to get carried away with personal biases... with our selecion choice more inclined towards one particular choice...
the commercial of "jaagore" which is being floated these days.. depicts a youth asking a politician about work experience and qualifications.. well.. to get every other job in india we need to go thru a series of tests and interviews.. y not for one of the prime responbilities?? seems fair to me...
then there is the issue of choosing a party on the grounds of demographics.. do i chose a party which is doing well in my state., or do i look for the overall performance of a party?? do i chose RJD, AIDMK etc etc on basis of my native place or do i choose a national player..??

there is a section of youth.. me included... who think of the fact that corruption is prevalent in the system from top to bottom... if these are the two available choices... who do i vote...??? both represent the same system which stinks with corruption......

too many issues... no wonder.. we have a voting day percentage of as low as 20% sometimes.. no wonder no one seems to be interested in casting a vote...

well!! may the best party win....

Thoughts....

define gooseflesh...
define heavy heart...
define color... say bottle green..
can u put evrything within the constraints of 26 alphabets???
define bitter.. tangy... sour....
wt abt maa?? wt do u say abt tiramisu???
wt do u feel about an icecube sliding behind your back..???
thr are things in life which escape definition....
life itself for instance...
define mistake... wrong... right...
ever wondered how it changes with every experience....
for that matter define experience....
is a kiss mere brush of lips???
is a smile mere upturn of corners of mouth???
is life simply simple????
complex emotions.... unspoken words......
yet all so simple........
that is LIFE.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-4th dec'06

mombatti ka bayan...........

har wo rishta jismein insaan khud ko bandha mehsoos karta hai aur usmein khushiya talaashta firta hai, jo sabse pyara hota hai, aur jiski jarurat sabse jyada hoti hai.. wo itna dur ho jaata hai ki wapas lautna mushkil nazar aata hai...!! the memories remind us of lost times with every rise and fall of a step. takleef to us samay sabse jyada hoti hai jab in rishto ke na hone ki teevrata ka ehsaas hota hai... !! the pain... the torment... eats ur mind alive...!! and makes u crazy like hell...!!
all the damned words and curses come to ur mind... and u find urself in a sorry state..

today i feel the same.... is ehsas se dum ghut raha hai.. i feel immense hatred... jalti hui mombatti kabhi dundhli aur kabhi saaf nazar aati hai... aisa lag raha hai jaise meri aankon ke ashru jal uski nazro se dhalak rahe ho... usse aaj mujh par aur is khamoshi par taras aa gaya.... usne aahista se mujhe paas bulaya aur kaha.... today..!! i tell u a secret.. mayhap... and most probably.. none will ever tell u this... tumhare saath koi humsafar ho na no... tum khud ko apna sahara bana kar apni zindagi talaashna... kabhi kisi aasre ki umeed mat rakhna.... tum mujhe... meri bebasi.. aur meri tanhaai ko dekho.... i dont have expectations.. am void of emotions... am just a necessity... meri khud ki koi chaahat nahi hai... koi tamanna nahi hai.... main apna wajood bas tumhari aankhon mein chamakta aur dhalta dekhna chahti hu.... raat bhar mein tumhare kadmon mein bikharti rahungi aur subah hone par tumhari nazre mujhse fir jayengi.... this is my reality... shayad yehi meri sacchai hai.....
"syaah raaton mein jal kar raushni ka ek paigaam pasaara...
seher ki ek jhalak ne.... foonk maar kar bujha daala.."
mera wajood to bas itna hi hai.... meri jindagi ki mohlat bas itni hi hai.... iske aage mujhe saans lene ki izzajat nahi... in this limited space of time.. i try to reach the heights which i have always imagined... isi mohlat mein aakash choo lena chahti hu... maine apni roshni par kabhi pabandi nahi lagayi... logon mein mujhe jaha jalaya wahi foot pari..kisi kabr par jal kar main aasuon se apne dil ka dard bayan karti hu... mehfil mein logo ke umra-daraaz hone ki dua maangti hu.... is jahan mein lene ke liye logon ke faile haath dete waqt bandh jaate hai... main katra katra mil kar khamosh zindagi ka bayan deti hu... main kamjor hu... shayd isiliye hamesha se sholon ko bhadkane wali hawa mujhe jhatke bhar mein bujha deti hai... fir bhi bekhauf main wapas jalti hu... kahi andhere mein ek chirag jalane... i symbolise light... a tiny spark of light can do wonders... i am the representative of that light which dispels darkness.... i believe in giving.. even if i lose my life... even if i am there no more.... main logon ki takleef dekh kar sab bhool kar apni aakhiri sasns tak mit jaati hu... apne pighalte wajood se bikharti roshni par mujhe tahe dil se khushi hoti hai... kyuki main jaanti hu....
"dard apna na kabhi hothon se bayan ho paaye...
gam dusro ka bas meri jindagi ban jaaye...
mere jeene ka sabab ban jaaye....
kisi parwane ke liye kabhi shama ban jaati hu...
aahista aahista kuch boondo mein dher ho jaati hu...
gal jaungi main.. koi aur aayega mere jagah...
wo bhi tumhari aankhon mein apne wajood ko chamakta aur dhalta dekhega..
tab kaun yaad rakhega ki kabhi kisi kone ko raushan kiya tha maine...
par kya tum kabhi hamari raushni mein apna wajood dekha paaoge???"

mombatti ki baatein sun kar mujhe tab ehsaas hua....
manushya hai wahi ki jo manushya ke liye mar jaye..
yeh pashu pravriti hai ki aap aap hi chare....

At last....>!!!!!!

finally i become a blogger..... its true that i have harboured this idea for a while now... and here i am... frankly did never have the time before... with one thing or the other... i have been busy... ultimately putting my life in order..............

holi-- the festival of colors is here once again....... wen i was a kid.... i used to get hit by a handful of blue powder and a balloon!! i used to torment the strangers on road by pouring a variety of colors.... and by excusing myself saying.. "bura na mano holi hai..." no wonder.. i used to get the same treatment........ the bonfires on holi eve were also interesting..... but now with passing days.. some of the charm of the festivities has detoriated.... may be it is the fast moving and changing life.. mayhap it is the decreasing boundaries and increasing concrete jungles..... i sincerely wish that our cultural tid-bits do not disappear by the time our kids reach thr teens... cos at least i for one.. really enjoyed my days..... i dont want my kids to miss all that fun......

on a more happy note... i think i am going to enjoy this summer and am waiting eagerly for it....
most of my frens have started settling in thr jobs.. and those who are completing thr higher studies... will be moving on towards shaping thr careers... frens are an important part of life.. and i do sincerely wish all the very best for each one of thm... i treasure my frens and am sure they know that i CARE!!! best wishes to all my frenz out thr and hope this yr brings some good news our way..!!!!!!!!!