my online journey......

Do we live a dual life today?? One real and one virtual? Most of us will have real and online identities.. blogging is an important part of our lives. What does best represent me online?? My email id?? My orkut or my space account? A website? My blog?

ten years back, internet was not a necessity. Today.. one who does not have an online presence is considered unsmart. Today people use the service to voice their thoughts, to solve their problems, and to create a network of frens and acquaintances.

If i talk about my online journey, i have been using one or more of these services since i was in my teens. More than ten years down the line i have become adept at using them and i think if today i am asked to delete my online presence, i would be very uncomfortable. Back then internet at my place used to cost me 100 bucks per hour. At first i did not even know what an address bar is.. and i was so proud i had my own email id—my own virtual address!! i remember an uncle at the cyber cafe used to open the websites for me.. Still i had dreams of hoisting a website of my own.. (ofcourse! On a free domain!) yahoo geocities was hep and happening. And i even created a few pages. Rediff iland was launched some time later and i was eager again to create my “online identity”.. Its a different issue that i have not visited those pages since a long time. But they are still a part of the net culture and very much available. And i used to marvel at my “journalist skills” ‘cos i actually used to get visitors and comments... And then came gmail... i found it a novel concept and wanted to be a part of the google network cos it had an invite feature.. and heck.. there were so few gmail users then.. ! !

i moved to more creative blog services like wordpress Oh.. not to mention the charm of having screen names like frozen.dessert, sundae and rythm_here!! I still use some of these “hep” screen names...!! variants of blogs today are “microblogs” and “tumblrs”. In micro blogging ppl blog with contents in less than 150 words ( 140 words is teh limit for twitter) and a tumblr has very short posts.. wen i created my tumble logging page i started with alot of my fav quotes. And people round the world “blippr” where they are able to post “micro reviews” for movies and services they have used. Not to mention the social book marking sites where u can organize ur fav bookmarks rather than using the old and monotonous “mark as fav” option of a browser....

of course u dnt update all these services regularly... and hw do u inform ur frens if u have updated a particular blog or ur home page? websites like soup.io and storytlr take care of these.. soup is a combo of tumblelog+lifestream and storytlr tells ur update history in form of a story... lifestream is a collection of ur fav pictures, videos, online status etc etc.. online status has become a fashion statement..

for that matter, i enjoyed using various explorers like IE, netscape, mozilla, opera, safari etc etc over the ten year span on my virtual life...

wen i needed data for statistical calculations, i referred to stock exchange websites, i subscribed to the likes of BNET and techedge for research papers and informative stuff.. my online journey has been with me like a teacher taking me to various realms.. its even helped me with some of the "not so interesting class assignments" with the "cut/copy-paste" functionality.. ofcourse later i had to correct this habit 'cos of the "plagiarism" checks..

our elders complain we commit so many grammatical mistakes wid our English and our vocab is nt that strong.. it can be attributed to our frequent and more general use of the slang language.. who cares to type “which” or “someone” if u can simply do away wid “wch” or “sm1”??? not me....huh!!

luv.....

may be yes may be no
may be rain may be snow
may be care may be love
may be faith may be trust
may be life may be death
emotions so strong
unfathomable feelings
whirlwind of thoughts
love is an emotion i feel for you
love is something i expect from you

complicated heart....

dont know if one dies of a heartbreak or not but the spirit of a person surely dies. a fiesty spirit can be turned into one dull boring person grieving in solitude.. and no!! before the reader of this piece gets any ideas into head, am nt talking abt personal experience particulary.. today relationships are fast losing grounds.. people often mistake love for lust and vice-versa... it is a general phenomenon.. ppl hav stopped caring for other souls. yet thr r some who perceive a lot more and thr value to their commitments is commendable. for them, heartbreak can lead to a dull cacophony. this cognitive dissonance destroys thr piece of mind and they are reduced to souls without a vibrant energy. we meet people. some we forget and some stay with us for a part of our lives... and a loss of a favourite company hurts us.. wen the days are dark and gloomy, in our blues we shut everyone out of our personal space. to fight the pain some of us dnt even allow anyone else inside the 1 cm diameter of our persona.. we provide solitary confinement of our own accord.. still dont we learn to grab every opportunity where we can find a little peace of mind?? why?? a person can get burned falling in love with someone who is only interested in the superficial pleasures and pleasantries the life has to offer.. and there are so many people out thr who are only interested in superficial things.. still we fall into the trap.. why?? i have learned to value the pleasant things n life.. pleasant things are civilised. they bring an element of grace and gentleness and peace into our lives. a desert after dinner, a soft drink on a hot afternoon, a late-nite walk on a beach, a fren u can trust with ur life, a person whose love is unshakable even if he knows that u hav been thru hell and back.. all these i guess make it worthwhile. we get hurt...still after a time we seek those things again.. we try to treasure memories and cherish moments.. we do all we can..!!

life....

sometimes u meet people and u knw instantly that they are meant to be a part and parcel of ur life.. they might b there to teach u a lesson.. to help u figure out who u want to be.. they might be thr in ur life to make things easier for u.. to unhide some lost corner of ur heart or ur persona. they affect ur life in a profound way.. sometimes things dont happen as u wud have liked thm to occur.. u get tormented... but in reflection u realise that without overcoming those obstacles u wud nvr hav realised ur true potential. it is true that life is the greatest teacher.. illness, love, lost moments of true greatness.... all these test the limit of ur soul and these stimulate ur thoughts.. these help u in understanding things better and give a whole new perspective to life... without these so called obstacles, life wud be a smooth paved, flat, dull and boring road where every outcome wud be according to our prediction. the people u meet affect ur life.. success and faliure shape up ur life and create who u r.. each unwanted event leaves a bitter taste in ur life but it is also makes u more robust and teaches u qualities like persistence and endurance.... life is important.. live ur life to the full and treasure each moment.. cherish the happy moments and learn from the not so happy ones..

a promise for future

no matter hw dark be the present
no matter hw great be the loss
no matter hw sordid be the story
thr is always a promise of life in full force...
u can feel it in the toddlers and urchins
u can breathe it in the fresh air of morning
it is there in life with a flow of light and dark...
empathizw with the dark
but look forward for a good life
make the most of the rest of ur life..........

me and solitude.........

Dawn often finds me,

grieving in solitude

for no one still lives,

with whom I dare share

the truth of my heart....

secrets and betrayals,

life is full of them

To find eternal joy,

is a pleasure rare..

why is it so hard to trust

why emotions are in a mist

wen i try to face my demons

why is it hard to find faith

i do wish i was a child again

free of any malice

and full of innocence

frenz....

Friendship isn''t always easily described. The Eskimos, they say, have a hundred different words for snow. Unfortunately, the English language isn''t quite as innovative, though it has vast opportunities to differentiate meaning. Certainly, Love is one of those opportunities. And so, too, is Friendship. Instead of different words, however, we''re stuck with simple adjectives. Close friend. Best friend. Childhood friend. Intimate friend. Trusted friend. Beloved friend. But whether you use adjectives or different words, few could deny the nearly infinite meaning in such a simple word. Friends are special people. We can''t pick our family, and we''re sorely limited in the number of them at any rate. Society and moral standards (and often our own conscience) dictate we select a single mate. But our friends can be as diverse and infinite as the adjectives we choose. Our friends, in a very real sense, reflect the choices we make in life...

the choice of 20's something.....

This is a time when the west has started appreciating and applauding the eastern music-thru zakir hussain and ar rehman. This is also a time wen India has chosen a westernised 60’s style track- emotional atyachar- as their new chart buster. Emotional atyachar does not belong to bhangra pop, hindi rock or any of the contemporary bollywood style. In itself.. it will promote the growth of a new genre- the desi rap. The 1% of the Indian population which hears to bc sutta and xl ki kudiyan cant seem to get enough of it..
while mainstream music has failed to capture their attention, this gap seems to be filled by this new genre which is still at its inception phase... these songs have pretty simple background music.. slangs flow thru the lyrics.. and subjects decidedly a taboo according to the normal Indian standards.. but still these are captivating the minds of the young population today. The 20’s something promote, enjoy and prefer this new genre which is fast gaining grounds..

my best friend.........

with u by my side
evrything in the world seems so better
good things are twice as much fun
cos wen i share them with u
i get to c u smile
i know that i have someone
who sees life a lot like a i do..
some one who shares the same values
the same dreams n the same hopes
i know that i have someone
who understands a part of me
that other people dont even know exists
with you in my life
i know that i have everything
any one could ever want
someone who's understanding and supportive
someone i care for and who happens to be my best friend....

College days at RIT

June ke mausam ki wo chupchap si baarish
thanda sa mausam aur na koi kaam
college mein bahut kam log
sham ko dosto ka mandir mein milna
raat ko hasi thahakon ka daur
chuttiyon mein couples ka jee bhar kar milna

shardanyas ki kabhi taiyaari
vurangula mein fun fair ka mazza
kabhi teachers ki politics
canteen ke saamne ki taunting
kuch logon ka panga lena
kuch ka chup chap rehna
principal ka kabhi chidhna
college ki wo choti choti baatein

garmi mein pure college mein
peele phulon ka khil jaana
subah savere ka mausam suhana
oral ka bhi tension seniors ka farewell
chori chupke aur fir sabse
nazar bacha kar logon ka milna
study room ki kabhi padhai
unke saath dikho to samjo shamat aayi

ek hi picture PL mein baar baar dekhna
bahut yaad aayeneg ye din
baahar zindagi jaane kaisi ho
jaane kaun sa rang dikhaye...

love..

wot is love?
a relation between two souls..??
a bond of trust.??
complete faith..??
true emotion..??
total understanding? a promise of hearts?
something between u and me?
something clear like crystal?
may be platonic?
a feeling of care?
meeting of boundaries?
reducing diameters..??
isnt ur love the apple of ur eyes?
the light of ur face?
the source of eternal happiness?
wot exactly is this chemistry?
how can u define this mechanics?
for that matter.. can it be defined?
an ocean of feelings...
it is something pure which needs to be treasured........

moments to treasure

beautiful moments that make u feel special
moments of appreciation
and those of admiration
moments wch u cherish in heart
moments which u care for
moments of complete trust
and those of total understanding
bonds of devotion
ultimate feel of innocence
optimistic approach to life
deterministic model of life
a sweet tenderness of each moment
a multitude of facets are there to life
live life as it comes...

25th nov 05

inspiration..

take care to get wot u like or u will be forced to like wot u get
One should hold on to Innocence. Renounced by will or taken by force, it cannot be restored.........
the trouble with the world is that stupid are cocksure and intelligent full of doubt..
it is with our passion.. as it is with fire and water.. they are good servants but bad masters.
consider how hard it is to change urself and u will understand wot little chance u have in changing others
cowards die many times before death but the valiant never taste death but once
wotever happens today.. just relax and manage to smile.. life is not a problem to be solved.. but a gift to be enjoyed.. make everyday ur best day
never fear the space between dreams and realty..
if u can dream it.. u can make it so..
never be idle...
if ur hands cant be employed successfully...
attend to the cultivation of ur mind

down the memory lane........

down the memory lane
so many moments spent with u
look at me with hope and anticipation
with keenness - with love
they are very precious
and so very beautiful
they look at me with a hope
that u will b with me
for ever and ever....
-20th march'06

uff...!! elections.....

Enuciation of Election starts with a President..
Loquacious voices of leaders always dissent...
Enthralling the gulliable folk with promises myriad...
Confetti poster and handbills have become a dread...
towering promises made to lure the users..
in their valiant fiery speeches...
obviously people vote for a wrong person...
naturally it leads to a corrupt administration.........

ELection time is here again... myriads of leaders all "prachar" thru a private helicopter.... God!! wt else are they gonna do?? wt new "incomplete" promises are we to see?? I guess Obama's campaign fever has caught up finally with Indians too... money is changing hands.. rather it would be better to say.. money is flowing... even in times of recession........... well! well! well! all of us responsible indian citizens should give our vote to the right man... but the dilema is.. who is the right man...??? prime candidates for our central govt are BJP and Congress.. Congress has a legacy of more than 50 years... and even today it is wooing voters in the name of Gandhi family.. with Rahul Gandhi leading the forefront... and BJP?? has long betted on Shri AB Vajpayee.. it is projecting Sri LK Advani.. once its leaders like shushma swaraj were on the forefront of the system... but today they have faded into oblivion as far as the national scene is concerned.. BJP gave the concept of India Shining.... and Congress has promised youth and properity for the nation... at the other end of the scale is the personal prejudice of a voter.. we are an emotional lot. some times we do tend to get carried away with personal biases... with our selecion choice more inclined towards one particular choice...
the commercial of "jaagore" which is being floated these days.. depicts a youth asking a politician about work experience and qualifications.. well.. to get every other job in india we need to go thru a series of tests and interviews.. y not for one of the prime responbilities?? seems fair to me...
then there is the issue of choosing a party on the grounds of demographics.. do i chose a party which is doing well in my state., or do i look for the overall performance of a party?? do i chose RJD, AIDMK etc etc on basis of my native place or do i choose a national player..??

there is a section of youth.. me included... who think of the fact that corruption is prevalent in the system from top to bottom... if these are the two available choices... who do i vote...??? both represent the same system which stinks with corruption......

too many issues... no wonder.. we have a voting day percentage of as low as 20% sometimes.. no wonder no one seems to be interested in casting a vote...

well!! may the best party win....

Thoughts....

define gooseflesh...
define heavy heart...
define color... say bottle green..
can u put evrything within the constraints of 26 alphabets???
define bitter.. tangy... sour....
wt abt maa?? wt do u say abt tiramisu???
wt do u feel about an icecube sliding behind your back..???
thr are things in life which escape definition....
life itself for instance...
define mistake... wrong... right...
ever wondered how it changes with every experience....
for that matter define experience....
is a kiss mere brush of lips???
is a smile mere upturn of corners of mouth???
is life simply simple????
complex emotions.... unspoken words......
yet all so simple........
that is LIFE.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-4th dec'06

mombatti ka bayan...........

har wo rishta jismein insaan khud ko bandha mehsoos karta hai aur usmein khushiya talaashta firta hai, jo sabse pyara hota hai, aur jiski jarurat sabse jyada hoti hai.. wo itna dur ho jaata hai ki wapas lautna mushkil nazar aata hai...!! the memories remind us of lost times with every rise and fall of a step. takleef to us samay sabse jyada hoti hai jab in rishto ke na hone ki teevrata ka ehsaas hota hai... !! the pain... the torment... eats ur mind alive...!! and makes u crazy like hell...!!
all the damned words and curses come to ur mind... and u find urself in a sorry state..

today i feel the same.... is ehsas se dum ghut raha hai.. i feel immense hatred... jalti hui mombatti kabhi dundhli aur kabhi saaf nazar aati hai... aisa lag raha hai jaise meri aankon ke ashru jal uski nazro se dhalak rahe ho... usse aaj mujh par aur is khamoshi par taras aa gaya.... usne aahista se mujhe paas bulaya aur kaha.... today..!! i tell u a secret.. mayhap... and most probably.. none will ever tell u this... tumhare saath koi humsafar ho na no... tum khud ko apna sahara bana kar apni zindagi talaashna... kabhi kisi aasre ki umeed mat rakhna.... tum mujhe... meri bebasi.. aur meri tanhaai ko dekho.... i dont have expectations.. am void of emotions... am just a necessity... meri khud ki koi chaahat nahi hai... koi tamanna nahi hai.... main apna wajood bas tumhari aankhon mein chamakta aur dhalta dekhna chahti hu.... raat bhar mein tumhare kadmon mein bikharti rahungi aur subah hone par tumhari nazre mujhse fir jayengi.... this is my reality... shayad yehi meri sacchai hai.....
"syaah raaton mein jal kar raushni ka ek paigaam pasaara...
seher ki ek jhalak ne.... foonk maar kar bujha daala.."
mera wajood to bas itna hi hai.... meri jindagi ki mohlat bas itni hi hai.... iske aage mujhe saans lene ki izzajat nahi... in this limited space of time.. i try to reach the heights which i have always imagined... isi mohlat mein aakash choo lena chahti hu... maine apni roshni par kabhi pabandi nahi lagayi... logon mein mujhe jaha jalaya wahi foot pari..kisi kabr par jal kar main aasuon se apne dil ka dard bayan karti hu... mehfil mein logo ke umra-daraaz hone ki dua maangti hu.... is jahan mein lene ke liye logon ke faile haath dete waqt bandh jaate hai... main katra katra mil kar khamosh zindagi ka bayan deti hu... main kamjor hu... shayd isiliye hamesha se sholon ko bhadkane wali hawa mujhe jhatke bhar mein bujha deti hai... fir bhi bekhauf main wapas jalti hu... kahi andhere mein ek chirag jalane... i symbolise light... a tiny spark of light can do wonders... i am the representative of that light which dispels darkness.... i believe in giving.. even if i lose my life... even if i am there no more.... main logon ki takleef dekh kar sab bhool kar apni aakhiri sasns tak mit jaati hu... apne pighalte wajood se bikharti roshni par mujhe tahe dil se khushi hoti hai... kyuki main jaanti hu....
"dard apna na kabhi hothon se bayan ho paaye...
gam dusro ka bas meri jindagi ban jaaye...
mere jeene ka sabab ban jaaye....
kisi parwane ke liye kabhi shama ban jaati hu...
aahista aahista kuch boondo mein dher ho jaati hu...
gal jaungi main.. koi aur aayega mere jagah...
wo bhi tumhari aankhon mein apne wajood ko chamakta aur dhalta dekhega..
tab kaun yaad rakhega ki kabhi kisi kone ko raushan kiya tha maine...
par kya tum kabhi hamari raushni mein apna wajood dekha paaoge???"

mombatti ki baatein sun kar mujhe tab ehsaas hua....
manushya hai wahi ki jo manushya ke liye mar jaye..
yeh pashu pravriti hai ki aap aap hi chare....

At last....>!!!!!!

finally i become a blogger..... its true that i have harboured this idea for a while now... and here i am... frankly did never have the time before... with one thing or the other... i have been busy... ultimately putting my life in order..............

holi-- the festival of colors is here once again....... wen i was a kid.... i used to get hit by a handful of blue powder and a balloon!! i used to torment the strangers on road by pouring a variety of colors.... and by excusing myself saying.. "bura na mano holi hai..." no wonder.. i used to get the same treatment........ the bonfires on holi eve were also interesting..... but now with passing days.. some of the charm of the festivities has detoriated.... may be it is the fast moving and changing life.. mayhap it is the decreasing boundaries and increasing concrete jungles..... i sincerely wish that our cultural tid-bits do not disappear by the time our kids reach thr teens... cos at least i for one.. really enjoyed my days..... i dont want my kids to miss all that fun......

on a more happy note... i think i am going to enjoy this summer and am waiting eagerly for it....
most of my frens have started settling in thr jobs.. and those who are completing thr higher studies... will be moving on towards shaping thr careers... frens are an important part of life.. and i do sincerely wish all the very best for each one of thm... i treasure my frens and am sure they know that i CARE!!! best wishes to all my frenz out thr and hope this yr brings some good news our way..!!!!!!!!!